Bullying and Bullies

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Back to School: Food Allergy Bullying, Talking to Teens About Stress, and Life-Changing Middle Grade Books

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Here’s how to help your allergic child deal with food bullying
By Suzanne Allard Levingston

Here are experts’ recommendations for schools, students and parents on dealing with food allergy bullying.

Talk to your child. If you have a child with a food allergy, you should start a conversation in a nonthreatening way, said Scott Sicherer of the Jaffe Food Allergy Institute at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York. Ask, “Has anyone ever made you feel bad about your food allergy, or bothered or teased you about it? It’s okay to let me know, you won’t get into any trouble, but I know this happens to some kids, and schools can do something about it without involving me or you directly.”

If your child responds that, yes, she has been a victim of bullying, Sicherer recommends explaining to the child that adults will get involved to help. He suggests that parents discuss this with the school administration. The school can institute its anti-bullying procedures, ideally including education about the seriousness of food allergies. (Procedures and laws vary by state.)

Read the entire article>>

Talking to Teens about Stress
By the American Psychological Association

Stress isn’t just a problem for adults. Young people, too, frequently experience unhealthy levels of stress, as the APA’s 2013 Stress in America survey shows.

The survey found that 13- to 17-year-olds are experiencing stress levels higher than they consider to be healthy. School is the top source of stress for teens, followed by the pressure of getting into a good college or deciding what to do after high school.

That stress is leading to emotional and physical symptoms for many young people. The survey found that more than a quarter of teens report symptoms including neglecting responsibilities, feeling overwhelmed, having negative thoughts or changes in sleeping habits. More than a third reported feeling tired, feeling nervous or anxious, or experiencing irritability and anger.

Read the entire article>>

15 Life-Changing Middle Grade Books
Great story + life lesson = 15 middle grade books worth checking out!
by Elizabeth Mulvahill

Sometimes finding books for kids in the middle grades (4-9) can be tricky, especially if you’re looking for well-written, engaging, stories that will make a deep and lasting impact. Check out these awesome recommendations from the experts on our WeAreTeachers Helpline.

1. Half a World Away by Cynthia Kadohata
“Teaches that family is not always about what you’re born into. Takes a difficult look at adopting older children from overseas…the obstacles and the relentless love these moms have for their children. Makes even the toughest kid tear up. Great lessons that are oh-so-subtle.” —Heidi S.

Read the entire article>>

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Helping Children Fight Bullying

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8 Empowering Middle Grade Novels for Kids Interested in Social Justice

by Melissa Sarnon, Barnes & Noble

As the United States watches a new administration take over the White House after a contentious election year, a wave of social and political activism has swept the country. For generations, young people all over the world have taken an interest in social justice and found the courage to fight for their own rights and the rights of others. Here are eight inspiring middle grade books that prove you’re never too young to stand up for what you believe in and make a difference.

Read the entire article>>

 

Want Your Kids to Be Strong Leaders? Teach Them This About Bullying Immediately
Leadership qualities aren’t always innate; often they’re learned. And taught.
By Melanie Curtin, Writer, activist

Close to one in three students report being bullied during the school year, and it happens just as often at summer camp, summer parties, and in summer school. Research also suggests that up to 64 percent of children don’t report it, which means the real number could be even higher.

This is a problem.

The CDC lists potential negative outcomes of bullying as “depression, anxiety, involvement in interpersonal violence or sexual violence, substance abuse, poor social functioning, and poor school performance, including lower GPAs, standardized test scores, and poor attendance.”

Bullying can also lead to suicide.

Read the entire Article>>

 

Bullying survivors and their moms speak out

by Lex Talamo, Shreveport Times

Shreveport mother Andrea Fegley almost lost her daughter Melanie to suicide in January of last year, when the teen tried to take her own life after being repeatedly and viciously bullied at school, and online, for more than two years.

“It got to the point of trying to end it the only way she knew how,” Fegley said. “Unfortunately, not much was done until then. Everybody from aggressor to schools to law enforcement need better education on bullying.”

Fegley and her daughter are not alone in facing what legislators and members of the public are calling “an epidemic.”

Read the entire article>>

Aerial view of Washington DC

That’s Just Bad

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I would like to take an opportunity at the beginning of the New Year 2017 to give shout outs to the media and the articles about our children, the brave and intrepid children of these articles, who are our future and will make a difference in our lives, our communities, and the world. Their voices, their actions, their dreams are so important right now to have exposure, a forum, an ear of everyone who can listen, have an open mind, and a willing heart for some real changes.

Thank you, Jerry Large, columnist for The Seattle Times, for your article on “Bully Busters Take on Rude Pols” (December 19, 2016).  You highlighted the bully issues that girls face everyday. Emma Coopersmith, Lilah Aman-Lucas, and Lola Hurst saw the big picture of the political campaigning and nailed what is wrong. They have started their anti-bullying campaign because of “that awful stuff that was said during the election about women and their bodies and their capabilities.” These eleven year old girls have a voice, have pens and know how to use them.

“Three sixth-grade girls heard mean comments during the recent presidential campaign that made them think politicians could use lessons in good behavior, so they’re doing some teaching. They created a campaign called D.C. Bully Busters, which encourages kids to send letters to political leaders in Washington, D.C., schooling them on how to deal with bullying. The girls also are reminding the rest of us that we can meet negative stuff with positive action.” – Jerry Lange

Another loud, proud shout out to the January 2017 National Geographic, Special Issue, GENDER Revolution,  that is dedicated to global issues relating to gender, focusing on the young people in different parts of our world, and how societies deal with sexual orientation, especially redefining the very term “gender”. As if this is not confusing enough for most of us, there are now twenty-one definitions in one article on redefining gender “A Portrait of Gender Today”: Agender, Androgynous, Cisgender, Gender binary, Gender conforming, Gender dysphoria, Gender expression, Genderfluid, Gender Identity, Gender marker, Gender nonconforming, Genderqueer, Intersex, LGBTQ, Nonbinary, Pronouns, Puberty suppression, Queer, Sexual Orientation, Transgender and Transsexual

The entire special issue is a beautifully done and vital edition which gives credence to those who are marginalized in all parts of the world. What we are finally acknowledging is the need to embrace all our differences. The power struggles will never end, for there will always be bullies and demagogues that make it a challenge to exist true to oneself and not as part of a herd, or ideology that suits only a narrow spectrum. These nine-year-old children across the globe comment on how their lives are, will be, and should be; it is not often pretty, but strikingly honest and sometimes, hopeful. Much has changed, but not enough. The last paragraph on page 33 sums it up succinctly: “The aspiration mentioned most often, across the lines of geography and gender, was summed up by Avery Jackson. If the world were hers to change, she said, there would be ‘no bullying. Because that’s just bad.’”

Nine year olds and eleven year olds leading the way out of the darkness. We as a nation, and as individuals, have had a long, arduous journey through the political wasteland of an election year. Your party affiliation does not matter, finger pointing and complaining about the process is futile; what we must do is put together the strewn pieces of the puzzle to make a whole picture of our government, of our nationality and lives, once again. That is what we do as Americans in a representative government–we roll up our sleeves and get to work. We put on our walking shoes and march, we put pen to paper and publish opinions, we take an active part and use our voice for change, our time, money and skills in our participation in the governing process.

It is a right of a democratic society to vocalize and mobilize in our communities, in meetings, through the media and demonstrations. Let us never forget our rights or cede our rights to voice our opinions and demand to be heard. Let us not succumb to the bullies, either in our politics or schools, work places, homes or relationships. Let all of us strive to be a change for equality and gender recognition, making it safe for children and adults to live their lives without fear of physical, emotional or mental cruelty. We can make positive changes, and we must be bigger than our petty selves and validate our humanity. We must do so for the children. Emma Coopersmith, Lilah Aman-Lucas, and Lola Hurst, the Bully Busters, and Avery Jackson, a representative voice of children globally, got it right. And that’s just good.

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Ways to Handle Adult Bullies

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9 Ways to Deal with Adult Bullies and Mean Girls
by Dr. Ellen Hendriksen via ScientificAmerican.com
“While we want to believe that adulthood means the end of off-limits lunch tables, demeaning back talk, and snarky gossip, unfortunately, middle-school bullies and mean girls grow up and go to work. Bullies of the playground often grow up to become bullies of the workplace, which means too many of us find ourselves in eerily familiar scenarios to our dark days of junior high.

Unfortunately, grown-up queen bee and bullying behavior remains the same as back in the day: it systematically targets a colleague with the intention to intimidate, undermine, or degrade. The same tricks get recycled, too: gossip, sabotage, exclusion, public shaming, and many other deliberate behaviors.” Read more>>

8 Keys to Handling Adult Bullies
by Preston Ni, MSBA, PsychologyToday.com
“Most of us encounter adult bullies at certain points in our lives. An adult bully can be an intimidating boss or colleague, a controlling romantic partner, an unruly neighbor, a high pressure sales/business representative, a condescending family member, a shaming social acquaintance, or other types of abusive relationships.

On the surface, an adult bully may come across as aggressive, demanding, and domineering. However, with an astute approach and assertive communication, you can turn aggression into respect. Here are eight keys to successfully handle adult bullies, with excerpts from my book: “How to Successfully Handle Aggressive, Intimidating, and Controlling People.” Not all of the tips below may apply to your particular situation. Simply use what works, and leave the rest.” Read more>>

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Adult Bullying: You’re Not Alone

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Being Ignored as a Bullying Tactic
by Valerie Cade, BullyFreeAtWork.com
“Think of a time when you were ignored. Think of how you felt. Hurt, sad, puzzled, stressed… Did you think, “What’s wrong with me?” or “How come I was left out?” Or how about when you were brave enough to reach out and ask ‘why is this happening?’, and were met with a polished answer from the person that left you with more self doubt and no answers?

Now think about being ignored, left out and pushed aside…day after day…after day…after day…This repeated ignoring is one of the worst types of bullying known.” Read more>>

Adult Bullying: Harassment By People You Respect
by Sue Scheff, via TheHuffingtonPost.com

“Adult bullying is more prevalent than many want to admit. If you’re old enough to pay a mortgage or raise a family, shouldn’t you be able to handle anything that comes your way? But bullying doesn’t come to a standstill after graduating from the playground, and giving grown-ups a pass on aggressive behavior only sets a bad example for our children still on the playground.

A while back, I discussed the case of a parent who felt the need to air her laundry (dirty and clean) all over her Facebook timeline. Her thoughts were broadcasted publicly, even for her children to see. Additionally, a group of mothers recently took to Facebook to bash pictures of toddlers. These behaviors make kids think: if my own mother can bully, then why can’t I?” Read more>>

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Running the Gauntlet

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There’s the bell for first class. Walk slowly. Time it just right and maybe you ‘ll be the last one to sit down at your desk. Pretend you don’t hear them.

“Faggot.”
“Dyke.”
“That’s so gay.”
“No homo.”
“Tranny.”
“She-male.”

At least once during the day, LGBTQIA+ students, a reported estimated 1.3 million high school students identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, will hear an epithet casually and purposefully thrown at them, intending to hurt, belittle, ridicule. An excellent article in The Seattle Times, Aug 12, 2016,”Heartbreaking” is a survey on abuse of gay students” by Jan Hoffman with additional Federal data, reports:
The first nationwide study to ask high school students about their sexuality found that gay, lesbian and bisexual teenagers were at far greater risk for depression, bullying and many types of violence than their straight peers.

“I found the numbers heartbreaking,” said Dr. Jonathan Mermin, a senior official at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which includes a division that administered the survey.

These adolescents were three times more likely than straight students to have been raped. They skipped school far more often because they did not feel safe; at least a third had been bullied on school property. And they were twice as likely as heterosexual students to have been threatened or injured with a weapon on school property.

More than 40 percent of these students reported that they had seriously considered suicide, and 29 percent had made attempts to do so in the year before they took the survey. A conservative estimate is 1,500 LGBTQIA+ commit suicide every year. The percentage of those who used illegal drugs was many times greater than their heterosexual peers. While 1.3 percent of straight students said they had used heroin, for example, 6 percent of the gay, lesbian and bisexual students reported having done so.

Look at these statistics! They are heartbreaking and horrifying. Understand that 1.3 million people who report to be LGBTQIA+ is roughly the population of Los Angles, California. Our children are daily engaged in warfare at school without any armor or protection—and for many who come “out” to parents, are kicked out of their home to fend on the street for themselves. Dr. Mermin, director of the National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention at the C.D.C., said it better than I: “Nations are judged by the health and well-being of their children. Many would find these levels of physical and sexual violence unacceptable and something we should act on quickly.”

What we can do as peers, parents, teacher, mentors, and our community is give support through educating our youth in the home and classrooms about basic issues of how to respect one another as human beings and not as ‘others’. With the ubiquitous internet and social media, it is imperative to teach our youth hard core values; to be very clear what is bullying and not acceptable behavior towards anyone for any reason. If not in the home, then at school. There are excellent programs, like Green Dot etc., used by the Air Force, that effectively teach strategy for violence prevention, and what to do as a bystander in bullying and violent situations.

As Dr. Mermin stated emphatically “connectedness — or social bonds — to peers, teachers, schools, or community organizations is key to protecting the health of these adolescents. Students will succeed if they know they matter, and feel safe and supported socially, emotionally and physically. Solutions may not be simple, but we can take action to build support for lesbian, gay and bisexual youth at multiple levels.”

I have written several articles emphasizing the need, and the rights of our children to be safe from bullies—-and I especially feel we have an imperative to protect the most vulnerable of our children—-those who are harassed for being different, either racially or because of one’s sexual orientation. We need to have a continuous dialogue with our children, our family members and community, to talk honestly about bully issues.

To gain insight into the reality of a child being LGBTQIA+ in their daily arena, please take some time to explore websites like:

Read an excellent article by Kevin L. Nadal, PhD “Stop Saying “That’s So Gay!”: 6 Types of Microaggressions That Harm LGBTQ People” for an enlightening perspective.

Ask yourself what would this world be like without the diversity, talents and skills that the LGBTQIA+ have given us since the beginning of mankind? The list I could make of the contributions in arts, sciences, politics and humanity of the LGBTQIA+ would be awesome in its breadth and sheer numbers of people who have influenced and enriched our lives in spite of the obstacles, the prejudices and hostility they have endured.

It is imperative that we, every one of us, ensure that our children, all our children, thrive in a environment that is safe and respectful, especially for the most vulnerable of children, the ‘others’, who are targeted for being different, for being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, intersexual or questioning. Too many of these children are at risk everyday of their lives. Tomorrow will be too late for many of them. Today, not yesterday, not tomorrow, but today, is the time to stop the cycle of abuse.

L – Lesbian. Lesbian is a term used to refer to homosexual females.

G – Gay. Gay is a term used to refer to homosexuality, a homosexual person, or a homosexual male.

B – Bisexual. Bisexual is when a person is attracted to two sexes/genders.

T – Trans. Trans is an umbrella term for transgender and transsexual people.

Q – Queer/Questioning. Queer is an umbrella term for all of those who are not heterosexual and/or cisgender. Questioning is when a person isn’t 100% sure of their sexual orientation and/or gender, and are trying to find their true identity.

I – Intersex. Intersex is when a person has an indeterminate mix of primary and secondary sex characteristics.

A – Asexuality. Asexuality is when a person experiences no (or little, if referring to demisexuality or grey-asexuality) sexual attraction to people.

+ – The “+” symbol simply stands for all of the other sexualities, sexes, and genders that aren’t included in these few letters.

website: lgbtqiainfo.weebly.com

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Inside the Secret World of Teens

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If you missed the CNN Special Report Special Report, “#Being13: Inside the Secret World of Teens,” from October, 2015, I highly advise you to watch it soon. And, be sure to read these articles with additional information.

Being 13: Perils of lurking on social media

“Most adolescents with access to smart phones are living their social lives online as much as they do face-to-face. Adults worry that teens are hooked on social media, but most have no idea what teens are actually doing online.

In this study, we examined the content of what teens actually say and do on social media, not simply what they say they do — and what it means to them. Not only are 13-year-olds using social media to post, tweet, share, friend, block, and unfriend, adolescents are spending vast amounts of time just “lurking,” reading the never-ending stream of their peers’ activities without posting anything themselves.

More than one third of them said they check social media without posting 25 times or more per day on weekends, and our heaviest users said they use social media over 100 times daily, including during classes at school.”
Read the entire article>>

Are you raising an Internet bully? Here’s how to end that behavior.
By Monica Leftwich, The Washington Post
“Faris dispells the notion that most kids directly model behaviors online that they witness at home, dismissing the idea that many kids cyberbully because their parents engage in similar actions. However, he does suspect that parents’ priorities could affect how their kids behave online.

Faris uses the example of “status games.” In short, some parents who get overly involved with their kids’ popularity or social status, or who themselves try to “keep up with the Joneses,” could be creating a sense of social competition in their children. If the parents put a high value on social climbing, Faris says, their children may do the same. This could create an unhealthy sense of rivalry in teens who prioritize popularity over true friendship.

That can spawn online aggression. For example, kids who value popularity will start vicious rumors online about other kids in order to tear them down while increasing their own “likes” and followers on social-media platforms.”
Read the entire article>>

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What makes a child become a bully?

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How A Child Becomes A Bully
by Dr. Gail Gross, HuffingtonPost.com
“While there is no one single profile of a child bully, in my years as a researcher and educator, I have witnessed a few different situations that describe the majority of child bullies.

Like Parent, Like Child. Children model what they see. If a child is bullied by his/her parent, or is being abused or treated in a disrespectful way at home, that child is likely to imitate this behavior at school. They are learning from their parent that this type of behavior is acceptable.

The Powerless Child. Sometimes, the child that bullies is the child who feels completely powerless at home. Perhaps this child is abused, or watches one of his parents abuse another parent, and he/she is left feeling scared and powerless at home. This child may attempt to gain back power by bullying others at school.”

Read the entire article>>

Your child might be a bully. Here are 7 ways to stop that behavior.
by Lev Novak, The Washington Post
“As a former after-school teacher, I’ve spent three years working with kids in a more relaxed environment than the classroom. And, in those hours with kids as their less-guarded selves, I’ve seen the bullying, teasing, whispers and shoves that scarcely get reported home to parents.

There are no one-size-fits-all approaches to preventing or stopping bullying, and zero-tolerance policies are often a blur of good intentions poorly applied. But below are some strategies I’ve found effective for various children.

Avoid cliches. Generalizations sound like static to kids, who don’t apply morals and have heard the “don’t bully” screed delivered in the same monotones by the same authority figures all their lives. But specifics help, and authenticity matters. Names, events and situations anchor vague morality tales in practical terms. Sincerity can bring real empathy to a subject that all too often is artificial.”

Read the entire article>>

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Peer Mediation Can Help

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“If you can avoid the physical violence and bring people together, you have accomplished what, from the beginning of time, mankind has considered a noble end.” – Richard Blumenthal

“Right in front of my eyes, those 20 students transformed into leaders and into activists.”
by Danielle Ross, MyCorneroftheWorld

“I’ll never forget that Thursday morning last year when my students and I sat together in class and cried.

What could possibly bring a class full of high school students and their teacher to tears? Bullying. We were sharing our personal experiences of being bullied and reliving those feelings that we push down but that don’t ever really go away. It had been 25 years since my “friends” had called me asking about homework and giggling in the background from a party I wasn’t invited to. Twenty-five years later and the pain came rushing back when I shared the experience with my peer counseling students. And I wasn’t the only one; student after student shared similar experiences that happened to them, mostly during elementary school.”

Read the entire article>>

Making Peer Mediation a Part of Campus Life
EducationWorld.com

“Teen skirmishes over rumors, perceived put-downs, and he-said-she-said arguments might seem inconsequential to adults, but to kids they can be major distractions. Mediation by peers can clear up misunderstandings quickly and improve school climate. Included: Ed World visits a peer mediation conference.

In schools, student conflicts can simmer for days. Starting with a glance, a whisper, or an innuendo, and seasoned with rumors, such conflicts can boil over into clique showdowns, shouting matches, threats, or worse.”

Read the entire article>>

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Bullying in the News

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Neuroscience of bullying: Why do some find it rewarding?
Medical News Today
“There has been a great deal of study into the psychological and social reasons behind bullying. As neuroscience grows in strength, new findings are also adding to our knowledge about how and why bullying takes place. Researchers now believe that aggressive behavior is associated with an inappropriate activation of the brain’s reward system.”

Read the entire article>>

3 Mistakes Parents Make When Their Own Kids Bully Them
by Sean Grover L.C.S.W., Psychology Today
“When testing turns to bullying, negotiation is off the table. When you negotiate with a bully, you set the stage for ongoing conflicts. Like surrendering, it rewards bullying and trains your child that bullying works. The next time your kid is frustrated by your restrictions, he will return to bullying because bullying leads to negotiation, and negotiation leans to getting what he wants.”

Read the entire article>>

If You Don’t Get Why Campus Rape Is A National Problem, Read This
by Lydia O’Connor and Tyler Kingkade, Huffington Post
“For many people, reading the Stanford University sexual assault victim’s powerful letter to her assailant was an entry point into the complicated, unjust realities of reporting and punishing sexual assault. While the attention the case — and similar ones at Baylor and Vanderbilt Universities — received is unusual, the attacks are not. Here are some of the most important things you need to know about the scope of sexual assault on college campuses. Around 1 in 5 women may experience sexual assault at college.”

Read the entire article>>

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