Gallery of Gratitude

Thank You Card

Gallery of Gratitude Inductees

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I want to induct heroes and heroines into my Gallery of Gratitude. These are just a few examples of caring individuals. Besides the adults that take on the bullies, there are several young, heroic people. I could post several more examples of teen activists and extraordinary children who give of themselves to others, their families, communities people and animals. If you ever need a reminder that the kids of today are wonderful human beings, type in ‘kindest kids in the world’, ‘teen activists’, Family Circle “Acting Up”, and read story after story about these normal, everyday, awesome kids, that happen to do extraordinary things with their lives. Kudos to the kids and adults who have made our communities, our world, a better place for everyone of us to live.

Khari Touré
Khari Touré fights back against daughters’ bullies with a viral body-positive rap on YouTube. Read more>>

Andra Liemandt
Andra Liemandt was stunned and heartbroken to learn that a friend’s 12-year-old daughter committed suicide after being bullied at school. Research showed that tween and teen suicides has steadily increased recently, but there are no preventative resources for elementary schools to utilize. In response, Andra created The Kindness Campaign (TKC). TKC is built on the foundation that if we teach children how to first be kind to themselves and then be kind to one another, we can change the peer-to-peer culture in schools and ultimately save lives.

Thomas Moore
When 8-year-old Thomas Moore watched a video on Facebook of a girl who had lost her hair, he came up with a heartwarming idea. He started growing his hair so kids with cancer can have wigs made from it after their chemo treatments. He grew an impressive amount of hair and after three years it all went towards making wigs for three kids. This kid is absolutely amazing!

Kenzie Hinson
Kenzie Hinson, 12, founded the Make A Difference Food Pantry in Goldsboro, NC, that serves more than 1,000 people a month from Wayne, Sampson and Johnston counties.  In addition to working at the pantry, Kenzie delivers meals to seniors, packs backpacks of food for low-income children to take home during the school year and will start a program providing summer meals for students on summer break. Read more>>

Sierra, the Kindest Kid in Connecticut
Doctors diagnosed 7-year-old Sierra with cancer two years ago. After finishing her treatment, Sierra wanted to raise awareness about childhood cancers, as well as money for research. The Madison, CT, youngster started the Childhood Cancer Kids program with her big sister, Emilina. The charity has already helped raised $10,000 for the Make-A-Wish Foundation. When she’s not busy raising awareness, Sierra is visiting young cancer patients to raise their spirits. She shares advice and brings hospital patients gift bags or shows them breathing exercises and yoga-inspired relaxation techniques.  Read more>>

These are just a few examples of caring individuals. I could post dozens more examples of teen activists and extraordinary children who give of themselves to others, their families, communities, people, and animals. If you ever need a reminder that the kids of today are wonderful human beings, search for ‘kindest kids in the world’, ‘teen activists’, Family Circle “Acting Up”, and read story after story about these normal, everyday, awesome kids who happen to do extraordinary things with their lives.

We all can do one act of kindness. Who knows what that one act can do; maybe save a life, or make our day, or someone else’s day, brighter. Or maybe make a difference.

Screenshot of Khari video

Empathy

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These bully issues just will not go away.  Your child is in tears, or you notice behavioral changes, complaints of stomaches and headaches and avoidance of school and social interaction.  Every parent I know has felt that helpless moment when your heart constricts with pain when your child as been hurt and you can do nothing about it. You are leveled by a myriad of emotions, not the least of one is anger. I have been asked the same question from friends, relatives, acquaintances and strangers, parents all who want to know when their child has been victimized by a bully, “What can I do? What should I do to help my child?”

I will list websites that have articles with information and tips I have found particularly thoughtful and easy to implement in the daily life of the family.  First, though, I would like to hand out kudos to two proactive parents who put forth extraordinary effort for their own children and all children, and by example, have given the community invaluable resources to educate and combat bullying:  Khari Touré and Andra Liemandt.

Through his pain seeing his daughters bullied, Khari Touré wrote a body positive rap song and produced a video, “Love Yourself.” And, as he said in an interview in Today, it is his “… love letter not only to my daughters, but to every child who’s been bullied, made fun of, and made to feel less-than, unworthy or unattractive.” Watch the video on YouTube and download the anti-bullying song with your children.  Teach them the refrain of Love Yourself: “I’m beautiful. I’m worthy. And those mean words can’t hurt me. I’m priceless. I’m smart. And I love myself, I’m focused on my health.”

After a friends’s twelve-year old child committed suicide after having endured being bullied at school, Andra Liemandt, a mother of two girls, did some research and found the tween and teen suicides steadily increased, but there is a dearth of preventative programs and resources for elementary schools.  She established The Kindness Campaign (TKC), an internationally recognized non-profit organization, which posits ”that if we teach children how to first be kind to themselves and then be kind to one another, we can change the peer-to-peer culture in schools and ultimately save lives.”

Adra Liemandt has this advice if you suspect your child is being bullied:

  1. Don’t ignore possible warning signs, even if they end up being typical teen/tween issues
  2. Stay involved with what’s happening at school and on social media with your children
  3. Most importantly, begin the conversation early so that your little one grows up knowing what is kind (appropriate behavior) and what is the opposite of kind.

We ordinary parents may not be able to preform such feats, but we surely can do something.  To combat bullying, we need to teach children empathy. It is the one most powerful tool we have. Large concept, but exactly how does that happen? Foremost, by example.  As parents, caregivers and educators, our actions translate to our children what the world expects of them.

I am going to use a rather long quote from an article in The New York Times, “Motherlode /Teaching Children Empathy” by Jessica Lahey to illustrate my point:

“Educators will tell you that a classroom full of empathetic kids simply runs more smoothly than one filled with even the happiest group of self-serving children. Similarly, family life is more harmonious when siblings are able feel for each other and put the needs of others ahead of individual happiness. If a classroom or a family full of caring children makes for a more peaceful and cooperative learning environment, just imagine what we could accomplish in a world populated by such children.”

There is a website, Greater Good Magazine, that has core themes in its articles of gratitude, altruism, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, happiness and mindfulness.  Read these for concrete ways to teach empathy.  One article I found excellent is in Greater Good Action Science-based Practices for a Meaningful Life:  “Seven Ways to Foster Empathy in Kids” by Jill Suttie June 10, 2016; she gives seven ways to help your child not just act kindly, but embody kindness.

Another website, www.verywell.com has many helpful and enlightening articles on bully issues, well worth your time and attention.  One I found fascinating was “How Positive Thinking Benefits Bullying Victims  Learn how optimism can reduce the stress of bullying” by Sherri Gordon.  She breaks it down simply as to how replacing the bully message with affirmation can make significant changes by dint of positive thinking:  coping with stress of being bullied, having hope that the situation can change by getting help from others, and having resilience.

These are important and insightful websites available for anyone to go to and get advice.  If we teach children to be empathetic and kind, we have fewer bullies, not just on the playground, but throughout our lives.  Today, and tomorrow, our world needs to be a better place for everyone, our children and everyone’s child.

Aerial view of Washington DC

That’s Just Bad

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I would like to take an opportunity at the beginning of the New Year 2017 to give shout outs to the media and the articles about our children, the brave and intrepid children of these articles, who are our future and will make a difference in our lives, our communities, and the world. Their voices, their actions, their dreams are so important right now to have exposure, a forum, an ear of everyone who can listen, have an open mind, and a willing heart for some real changes.

Thank you, Jerry Large, columnist for The Seattle Times, for your article on “Bully Busters Take on Rude Pols” (December 19, 2016).  You highlighted the bully issues that girls face everyday. Emma Coopersmith, Lilah Aman-Lucas, and Lola Hurst saw the big picture of the political campaigning and nailed what is wrong. They have started their anti-bullying campaign because of “that awful stuff that was said during the election about women and their bodies and their capabilities.” These eleven year old girls have a voice, have pens and know how to use them.

“Three sixth-grade girls heard mean comments during the recent presidential campaign that made them think politicians could use lessons in good behavior, so they’re doing some teaching. They created a campaign called D.C. Bully Busters, which encourages kids to send letters to political leaders in Washington, D.C., schooling them on how to deal with bullying. The girls also are reminding the rest of us that we can meet negative stuff with positive action.” – Jerry Lange

Another loud, proud shout out to the January 2017 National Geographic, Special Issue, GENDER Revolution,  that is dedicated to global issues relating to gender, focusing on the young people in different parts of our world, and how societies deal with sexual orientation, especially redefining the very term “gender”. As if this is not confusing enough for most of us, there are now twenty-one definitions in one article on redefining gender “A Portrait of Gender Today”: Agender, Androgynous, Cisgender, Gender binary, Gender conforming, Gender dysphoria, Gender expression, Genderfluid, Gender Identity, Gender marker, Gender nonconforming, Genderqueer, Intersex, LGBTQ, Nonbinary, Pronouns, Puberty suppression, Queer, Sexual Orientation, Transgender and Transsexual

The entire special issue is a beautifully done and vital edition which gives credence to those who are marginalized in all parts of the world. What we are finally acknowledging is the need to embrace all our differences. The power struggles will never end, for there will always be bullies and demagogues that make it a challenge to exist true to oneself and not as part of a herd, or ideology that suits only a narrow spectrum. These nine-year-old children across the globe comment on how their lives are, will be, and should be; it is not often pretty, but strikingly honest and sometimes, hopeful. Much has changed, but not enough. The last paragraph on page 33 sums it up succinctly: “The aspiration mentioned most often, across the lines of geography and gender, was summed up by Avery Jackson. If the world were hers to change, she said, there would be ‘no bullying. Because that’s just bad.’”

Nine year olds and eleven year olds leading the way out of the darkness. We as a nation, and as individuals, have had a long, arduous journey through the political wasteland of an election year. Your party affiliation does not matter, finger pointing and complaining about the process is futile; what we must do is put together the strewn pieces of the puzzle to make a whole picture of our government, of our nationality and lives, once again. That is what we do as Americans in a representative government–we roll up our sleeves and get to work. We put on our walking shoes and march, we put pen to paper and publish opinions, we take an active part and use our voice for change, our time, money and skills in our participation in the governing process.

It is a right of a democratic society to vocalize and mobilize in our communities, in meetings, through the media and demonstrations. Let us never forget our rights or cede our rights to voice our opinions and demand to be heard. Let us not succumb to the bullies, either in our politics or schools, work places, homes or relationships. Let all of us strive to be a change for equality and gender recognition, making it safe for children and adults to live their lives without fear of physical, emotional or mental cruelty. We can make positive changes, and we must be bigger than our petty selves and validate our humanity. We must do so for the children. Emma Coopersmith, Lilah Aman-Lucas, and Lola Hurst, the Bully Busters, and Avery Jackson, a representative voice of children globally, got it right. And that’s just good.

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Jenny Adams and The Power of Words

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I am thrilled to introduce to you a new guest writer here on my blog: Jenny Adams, motivational speaker and fellow anti-bullying advocate. She also happens to be my husband’s niece! Today’s guest blog post is a short introduction to Jenny and her work. Watch for more from Jenny in the coming months.

“I am an entrepreneur of a motivational speaking business SHIFT.Through SHIFT I have an anti-bullying/pro-inclusion campaign called “The Power of Words.” This anti-bullying/pro-inclusion campaign was inspired by my own experiences with the power of words in my life. This campaign demonstrates to students the power of words and how they affect the world around them. The “Power of Words” message has a great impact on youth as I use a mixture of humor and frankness to reach them in a profound way. I also have a question and answer portion to the assembly along with teaching the kids a song. I am also the former Ms. Wheelchair America 2014 and have shared the message of the “Power of Words” all over the nation in schools and youth conferences.

I also have a workshop, “Discover Your Identity.” This workshop was inspired by my own search and discovery of my identity. I was born with partial limbs and have overcome my limitations by knowing my identity. I have shared the message of this powerful workshop throughout the U.S. in schools, universities, businesses, and conferences.

I know the power of identity from my own life experiences, therefore my passion is that youth would connect with their identity and purpose in the world. This is a great workshop for leadership and diversity training. This life changing, interactive workshop inspires students to discover and pursue their identity and purpose by unlocking the power of mutual encouragement and vision.

I also do advocacy work for people with disabilities. You may learn more about me and my story on my website www.jenniferlynnadams.com.

I believe in where I am going. I believe one day there will be stadiums of people waiting to hear me speak. I believe my business will go international.”

And here’s a fascinating article I found at Psychology Today that provides more information about the scientific evidence for the power of words and practical advice for moderating your own speech patterns to avoid inflicting emotional pain on others.

When Words Are Weapons: 10 Responses Everyone Should Avoid
Do your words do you and others justice?
by Peg Streep, PsychologyToday.com

“Of all the adages that get bandied about, perhaps the most wrong-headed is ‘Sticks and stones can break my bones/ But words can never harm me.’ We all know from experience that it isn’t true –whether we wept with shame in the schoolyard as children, were reduced to quivering jelly by a parent’s criticism, or were torn apart by a lover’s contempt—but now science knows why.

It turns out that the brain receptors for physical and emotional pain are one and the same so, yes, you can have your heart and spirit broken more literally than not. There’s some evidence that the over-the-counter remedy for physical pain works for emotional pain too. It turns out too that when pain is inflicted intentionally, the hurt is greater—which is all the more reason to pay attention to the words that come out of our mouths. Years ago, when I was in graduate school in English, there was a professor who was justly famous for his withering put-downs of his students; it was said that his insults were so subtle and “rapier swift” that the victim wouldn’t know he’d been wounded until he saw the “blood.”” Read the entire article>>