Mind Your Manners
Shane Licht: His Story
One fateful day in 1994, one bad decision changed a twelve year old’s life forever. Initially home from school for a snow day, Shane invited his best friend over to his house, ignoring the message that the school bus would be on a later schedule. Both boys knew about gun safety, knew better than to pick up a gun, whether it was loaded or not. Tragically, the gun discharged in his friend’s hand and the bullet struck Shane, paralyzing him from the neck down.
That means Shane is totally dependent on someone to help him to do the most basic things in his daily life. But that does not mean he is not independent; he graduated from high school, went on for a degree from the University of Alaska/Anchorage, thankful for the encouragement and support of one “awesome man, Sean Murphy.”
He requires assistance, but let me tell you, he can text with his knuckles on a smartphone faster than I can talk! And he knows how to use accounting programs on the computer, which will enable him to get a job, get housing. To own his own space, both physically and psychologically.
We discussed “issues”, and while he disclaims being a spokesperson for all people in wheelchairs, he had a lot to say about his life in a wheelchair. During the interview, Shane emphasized that he took full responsibility for the bad and good decisions he has made, and the consequences that he has to live with. In his words, “It is what is is.”
As much as I poked and prodded with my questions, I could not get a bitter response from him, and I agree with the assessment of friends and family that he is laid-back. In fact, he is the most laid-back, positive person I have had the good fortune to meet.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T (Otis Redding)
Some statistics calculate that 1 out of every 100 people uses a wheelchair; sometime, somewhere you and I will likely meet someone in a wheelchair. Does that unnerve you?
Upon meeting an extra-abled, adaptabled, person, I want to be of help; I can open a door, reach for an out of the way item, turn on a light, get a beverage for the person, need a sweater or jacket? Oh, here, let me!! Let me do that for you.
Let me not, unless I ask first. Otherwise, my overeagerness can come off as patronizing or worse, predatory. I presume you need assistance, when I should ask you if you would like me to help.
I have had a wonderful opportunity to interview, and through my blog, introduce my readers to Shane Licht (see above) and Jennifer Adams, two young adults who are wheelchair enabled. While both Jennifer and Shane are articulate, Jennifer is a strong, outspoken advocate for the extra-abled, and Shane is more mellow; but both raised pertinent and viable issues about the etiquette upon meeting those who are extra-abled and have “adaptabilities”. Jennifer is particularly adamant about changing the negative connotations of words, such as ‘disabled’, and ‘challenged’.
The power of words. Think about it. Dis- as a prefix is negative, and dis has established itself in our modern day vocabulary to mean to be disrespectful. While I hate to sound like a political correction officer, I agree that all of us need to be more aware of our speech and attitude.
Let me also put aside some other presumptions. As Shane said, “because I’m in a wheelchair does not mean that I am…” and here I will revise Shane’s usage of ‘retarded’ with mentally challenged. Jennifer states in ever so eloquent terms, “I have the same worth as a person, no less value than an able-bodied person.” Yes, they know they are in a wheelchair and have restrictions, but a physical limitation does not automatically mean there is brain damage.
Remember that you are probably not the only person to challenge Jennifer or Shane to a race; and it was not funny the first time. Nor is the presumption that a wheelchair is a closet to hang one’s clothes. Most extra-abled people have specifically designed wheelchairs that become a part of their physicality, and to randomly touch or use that extension is rude and uncomfortable for the person in the wheelchair.
Which brings up the last issue: touch. Unless you are familiar with the person and know he or she wants a hug, kiss or a friendly squeeze, do not presume that person needs human contact. As both Shane and Jennifer have to be ‘handled’ several times a day, others, especially strangers, touching them can be inappropriate, even ‘painful’, because of supersensitivity.
It comes down to this: R-E-S-P-E-C-T, respect of personal space. Just like you would anyone else you know or meet for the first time. So, please mind your manners.
