1…2…3…DON’T BULLY ME!
There are billboards along the highway with positive messages against bullying and websites, many of which are empowering for those who are targets of bullies. Many issues are addressed but one aspect often overlooked is the fourth element in a bully arena: the bystanders, a silent group that is not affiliated with the bully, the bully’s “henchmen”, or the “reinforcers”. Data from a study that was done on school bullying sponsored by the Centers for Disease Control, “Preventing Bullying Through Science, Policy, and Practice”, documents these four elements of the bully scenario.
An understanding of the dynamics of bullying can give a perspective on why and how, or why not, a bully becomes a respected force in a peer group. Status is the main reason behind bullying, and status with respect is conferred by “popularity, dominance and visibility.” But to achieve this, the bully needs an audience. That audience is the “reinforcers” and bystanders. The bully needs others watching him/her tormenting another person. There are four components in the bully arena: the “henchmen”, those who help the bully torment the targets and “reinforcers”, those who laugh, cheer, taunt, video the torture, but remain disconnected from the bully, taking an obvious pro-bully side against the victim; and for the victim, the defenders, who can disable the bully in the classroom and outside, more than half of the time. Lastly, the fourth element, are the bystanders, those who may be also traumatized by fear of the bully but cannot or will not take any action. So, in the arena, you are either the perpetrator, the bully, or an enforcer, an associate of the bully, or a reinforcer, participant in the audience, or a silent someone on the sidelines, a bystander.
What is needed is more defenders. To repeat an interesting point of the study, “The presence of defenders in classrooms is associated with fewer instances of bullying behavior, whereas the presence of reinforcers is linked to increased incidence of bullying (Salmivalli et al., 2011)….Bystanders doing nothing can also send a message that bullying is acceptable.” This is important because it is the key to breaking the cycle of abuse. This cycle starts in early grade school, and escalates during the teen years, especially with instances of cyberbullying. While one cannot necessarily vocalize, there are ways to stop the cyberbullies; firstly, by not participating in texting, sexting or harassing on social media, deleting the material after making a copy of the offending material and turning it over to someone in authority, and calling out those who are using cyberspace as an arena for bullying.
Talk, talk, talk to your children. If we actively encouraged our children to be defenders, especially on the playground, and not to fear repercussions from the bully, then there would be no audience for the bullies. Without an arena for the bully, henchmen, and reinforcers, there would not be positive payback for picking on someone. Usually, even one person who speaks up and against the bullying, has a positive impact, stopping the action. And others will follow the example of the ‘defender’ , but only if it is in the bystander’s best self-interest: i.e., if the bystander does not become the target.
Confronting the bullies can be rewarded by praise and examples set in the classroom by teachers and staff, and at home by caregivers and parents and family members, where children are encouraged to stand up, and speak up, because it is the right thing to do. There is a great website, Stomp out Bullying that used the term “Bystanders….Become Upstanders”. Just the word, ‘upstanders’ is empowering and can make a big difference between a child feeling second-hand harassment or being proactive in a negative situation. And it is proven in studies that when teachers, caregivers and parents encourage the ‘silent other’ to speak up on one’s own behalf or anothers, the bullying instances are reduced significantly in the classroom and on the playground. It is more than just words when one has a voice that is heard; it is power to be.
And be sure to check out this awesome website: free2luv.org
